Damn Zhun Sia
By Master Cockeral
Master Cockerel watch the stars move every night as he sits down at his computer looking the youtube videos from NASA. He is a certified practitioner of (FIT) Fengshui Information Technology from Fukin University of the eight diagrams, Master Cockerel has help changed the lives of many, by trolling them until they change their names and try to live a new life.
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Fengshui predictions should only be a guide, it should not dictate your life’s direction. If Master Cockerel is so zhun with each and every one’s life predictions then he no need to write this article to entertain you liao. Always remember, If you do good everyday, you will feel good and you will be good. If you do bad things everyday then no wonder how good you feel, bad things will happen to you one lah. It's called Karma.
For many of you, 2016 was the beginning of a new love journey. Your crush might finally agree to go steady with you or you might just sign the certificate of love imprisonment (marriage lah).
But after the honeymoon period, the real challenge begins. In 2017, those born in the year of the rat will have some buey steady situations in a relationship. No.. not because your gf/wife zhao sai.. But because both of you are still trying to accommodate each other. Must talk cock to each other more and find back the good old times.
Money wise won’t have big changes unless you wanna whack that Chanel or Hermes to please your other half.. (which I think you should).
Health wise not a major problem for you but just because I say you no dai chi doesn’t mean you can slack and don’t exercise.
(Choose your animal here...)
1924 / 1936 / 1948 / 1960 / 1972 / 1984 / 1996 / 2008
Rat
Those born in the year of...
Those born in the year of...
Celestial Predictions for 2019
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For people born in the year of the Ox usually have one big problem, super stubborn one lah.
Tell you good thing don’t want to follow, tell you bad things don’t want to avoid also.
In 2017, those born in the year of the Ox might have something they longed for... Not greener grass lah but a blossom in their relationship with people. You will meet new friends in 2017 and one of them could change your life.
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Don’t think about saving money lah. With so many new friends, you will bound to go out more often and sometimes be the boss who foot the bill *caitou cough cough*.
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No major issues with your health except for some typical seasonal flu. Just eat more grass.. I mean vegetables.
Ox
1925 / 1937 / 1949 / 1961 / 1973 / 1985 / 1997 / 2009
Those born in the year of...
2016 is a year of stability for the Tiger. Some of you might find it boring because it is your nature to find some excitement in life.
In 2017, you will face whole new challenges. You might be tasked to do something crazy that you have never done before. So you must remember to move with caution as there are unseen dangers lurking in the dark.
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2017 is not a year to keep money, so it’s either you spend it on yourself or you will spend it on someone else. As long as you never go borrow money, you can buy the things you desire and you will find a way to earn the money back.
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You should avoid swimming in 2017... be it the wet one or the dry one.. cause you won’t be very lucky with water. Just go sun tan and act cool can liao.
Tiger
1926 / 1938 / 1950 / 1962 / 1974 / 1986 / 1998 / 2010
Those born in the year of...
Year 2016 was good for some but not so good for many rabbits. You tend to fall sick easily taking many MCs (wah shiok...) and not being able to concentrate on what you do.
In 2017, those born in the year of the rabbit will gain back their health but will suffer in relationship and money due to last year’s problems. Your 2017 peer appraisal won’t be good because of all the MCs you took so this year you can forget about your promotion liao lah.
The only promotion you will get are the promotions from shopping centres.
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Don’t expect money to drop from the sky lah. It’s either you earn it or you pick it up from the floor.
Watch out for oily stuff! It’s hot and might burn your tongue.
Rabbit
Those born in the year of...
1927 / 1939 / 1951 / 1963 / 1975 / 1987 / 1999 / 2011
People who are born in the year of the dragon can make other people's lives very stressful. From finding Childcare to Primary schools, your parents have to search high and low for places for you.
In 2017, those born in the year of dragon will sure fly until ‘got dragon got phoenix’ lah. Whatever you want to do, as long as it’s legal.. You will be able to deliver the result you want. Because of this new found confidence, you will also stir some shit and flies will come flying around you. Beware of those who keep jio-ing you to go out... They are likely to be MLMs.
Money will not be a problem for you unless you spent way above your means. Don’t buy a Ferrari when a Nissan GTR is good enough already.
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Health wise just don’t over do it…and wear protection at all time, if you know what I mean…
Those born in the year of...
Dragon
1928 / 1940 / 1952 / 1964 / 1976 / 1988 / 2000 / 2012
Snakes are known to be masters of avoiding issues. Got any problem just slide pass it and someone else will take the blame. *siam siam*
In 2017, those born in the year of the snake will find it hard to siam liao.
Whether it is relationship or work, if something happen this year they will have to face it head on liao. So try to chao keng less this year and be sincere towards your peers and stead. Build back the relationships and gain back the trust.
Oh by the way, you should not expect a windfall in 2017.
Just be glad you still have your job and enough money in your CPF to pay for your HDB. Health wise must avoid alcohol. Alcohol usually will get someone pregnant or your driving licence "kan tong".
Snake
1929 / 1941 / 1953 / 1965 / 1977 / 1989 / 2001 / 2013
Those born in the year of...
Your 2016 can be said like running around in circles. Oh wait..
That’s what horses do anyway... but zodiac is zodiac leh, human is human.
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You not a horse leh, so why let people make you run around like an idiot?
In 2017, those born in the year of horse will finally get to race in Singapore turf club lah. Har? Simi? It means you finally have the chance to show the world what you are capable of doing.
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When you put your heart and mind to the task, you will achieve success easily but take note.. Don’t be hao lian. If you kena small success only then go around hao lian about your result, you will invite those bloody ‘Small People’ who will claim credit for your good work.
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Health wise must learn how to relax. Horse people always chiong chiong chiong until they are damn tired.
1930 / 1942 / 1954 / 1966 / 1978 / 1990 / 2002 / 2014
Those born in the year of...
Horse
This year meh meh alot of cao to eat. It's been a good 2016 for most goats.
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In 2017, those born in the year of Goat should go learn a new skill or develop a new passion. This could potentially bring in new lobangs for you and who knows? You might be the next millionaire who hantums the market.
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Relationship wise must maintain the passion with your siao eh. Cannot say go steady or married liao means it’s safe. If unhappy can still break one. So don’t be too naïve and expect relationships to go by itself. Even a freaking ship needs fuel to burn in order to move.. Yours is a relationship somemore.
Health wise just don’t eat too much bak kwa during chinese new year. Bak kwa is expensive.
Those born in the year of...
1931 / 1943 / 1955 / 1967 / 1979 / 1991 / 2003 / 2015
Goat
Whoever dare say they had a damn great 2016, don’t bluff yourself lah. Your 2016 sucks. Good thing is, your health generally ok so clinics and hospitals not much chance to earn your money.
In 2017, those born in the year of the monkey should look forward to a potential engagement or marriage. The chio-bu you use to tackle will finally got a reason to find back you and rekindle the old flames. Some of you monkeys may just shot gun and go straight to wedding.
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Money will come but it depends on how aggressive you are. If you wanna wait for durians to drop then I suggest you go sell durian instead. At least it’s good money during durian seasons. Also, don’t let people play monkey with you liao.
Health wise just make sure you have enough sleep. Don’t play too much game hor.
Those born in the year of...
1932 / 1944 / 1956 / 1968 / 1980 / 1992 / 2004 / 2016
Monkey
Those who born in the year of the rooster had rough times in 2016. Your job wasn’t really smooth but hey it’s going to be over soon leh.
In 2017, this is your sibeh lucky year liao. You deserved it though, after waiting 12yrs. You will have a new direction in your career or business this year. Suddenly people know your existence liao. HOSAY!
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Money won’t be a problem coming in unless you are expecting it to come from casino.
Your luck is not those strike lottery type but those achieve success through work hard type hor… so don’t go waste your time at casino.. Unless you are working there.
For health wise you must not get angry so often.
Tell me lah, which person get angry the health can be good one?
Those born in the year of...
1933 / 1945 / 1957 / 1969 / 1981 / 1993 / 2005 / 2017
Rooster
Every dog got it’s day and 2016 was just the beginning of the day.
The good things from 2016 will cross over to 2017 and you should expect better things to come.
In 2017, you should travel more. A dog that has gone around the world to experience life will have a better chance of survival. Any dog that gets too comfortable with its' owner won’t have the motivation to live if he was discarded. If you think there’s a need to change a job then mai tu liaoz. Not every owner appreciates a good dog.
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Money has never been your no.1 priority so it won’t come as much as you want. Life is not a free ATM anyway so you will have to work your own bone.
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Health wise just keep running like a dog. Go join all those marathons, you might meet a chiobu/yandao there.
Those born in the year of...
1934 / 1946 / 1958 / 1970 / 1982 / 1994 / 2006 / 2018
Dog
People always say those born in the year of the Pig are very fortunate blah blah..
True meh? Those born in the year of pigs are very adaptable with their environment though.
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In 2017, those born in the year of Pig will experience a change in life status. Females might have good pregnancy news as long as it is not shot-gunned one. Males will be expecting a new member in the family.
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Money will be gone lah.. When you have baby means you already have to spend a lot liao but never mind it’s for something good so you should be happy when you pay for the final bill of the delivery.
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Health wise you should strenuous exercise because it’s not meant for people like you. Kiang tio ho.. Mai kay kiang.
Those born in the year of...